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I'm not big on cleaning other people's mess. In fact, I'm more interested in gloating mercilessly behind their backs like any self-respecting person. If someone chooses to set their house on fire because some tycoon will pay them to do it, what business is it of mine? On the other hand, if I had a roommate who wants to set the house on fire for said tycoon I'd most likely put her in a straight jacket and send her to the nearest mental asylum.

Seeing as how it would be difficult to put faceless, stupid corporations that justify their pollution by saying that their financial safety directly effects the general economy of the world in straight jackets, and seeing as how I really cannot be bothered to track these people down (because it's so possible) and put them in custom-made, hot pink straight jackets that have the words “Hug Me, I'm Stupid,” etched into them, then I guess I'll resort to doing the next best thing: write an article about how going green doesn't take too much effort.

Realistically speaking, these idiotic corporations that are funded by the scum of the earth will continue to pump their poison in the atmosphere. I doubt using unleaded gas for your car will make much a difference, since that's as effective as dying your skin green. What you can do, on the other hand is directly alter your environment. It's very easy, so here's a list:

  • Instead of saving up your candy wrappers in the car, to throw outside of the window at a red traffic light as a mating call for equally hygienic people as yourself, keep them in a tiny plastic bag assigned for discarded items, which you can throw away when you get home, or in an assigned trash bin.
  • Once you're done grazing at the beach with your herd of friends, it would be even more fun if you picked up your trash as you're about to leave. I know that the goodness of your hearts just won't let you not leave discarded food behind, since you're actually just thinking about the poor birds that just won't be able to survive without your cra—food. You'll just need to toughen up and think about how the creatures inhabiting the beach might actually have their own functioning ecosystem that does not revolve around your fried chicken and burgers.
  • Your hair does not need to be sprayed. Justno.
  • If you have a bottle of water that you're done drinking, instead of throwing it away, just spray the remaining water at the foot of a plant—and not just at it, I mean, imagine the leaves are its face and no one wants to be sprayed in the face with some water.
  • Drink more green tea.
  • Turn the lights out when you leave a room, it's okay if someone's in there, they'll either find you hilarious or run after youthat's sort of a gamble.

That's all there is to it, really, at least that's as much advice as I can give. You can take the extra few steps like carpool more, or bring your own bags when shopping for groceries, or start local initiatives, but the extent of your commitment should depend on your ability to keep it up without giving up soon.

By the way, if you take number five seriously, we should be best friends.

Yes, that was sarcasm.


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